Category Archives: just another one of those days

Dear future me – Are you nuts?!

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When you’re in your 30′s, babies seem to be popping out everywhere. Friends, Facebook-friends, moms at school, neighbors, coworkers, you name it and they seem to be having babies.

Anyone who reads my blog, or who knows me personally, knows that I am a crier. I tear up every time I hear baby-news. New life is beautiful and I just cant help myself! Nevertheless the other day I had a moment of tearing up that was concerning to me. I started tearing up as I received a text message from a friend of mine, who was at the hospital, having a labor-inducing drip put in. And it wasn’t simply the approaching arrival of her son that had me going, it was the actual labor! The ACTUAL labor! I had a very disturbing feeling of “labor-envy”. “LABOR-envy”!?! Who in their right mind has labor-envy!?!

I realized in that moment, that I’m not always in my right mind [insert funny comment from husband saying "I could have told you that!"]. My mind is entirely too easily effected by nonsense female emotions! I DO NOT wish to go through labor again, I DO NOT wish to go through pregnancy again, and I DO NOT wish to have more babies! Yet there I was, reminiscing about the excitement and emotions surrounding labor, and felt a little sad not to be experiencing that again……

This time the itch came and went quickly, but the whole thing made me uneasy. What if I begin to forget? – forget the pain, the aches and the sleeplessness?! What if I meet a perfectly smelling infant, on just the right/wrong day, and the itch grows into an actual desire?!

On the off-chance that this desire should occur, I have written myself a letter, and may it be kept for future records! I apologies in advance to anyone currently pregnant or planning another baby. I did not mean to make you depressed. I felt it necessary to remove any and all sugar-coating, so that my point gets through to myself!

Dear future me,

So, you’re considering having another baby? Where do I even begin with you?!? ARE YOU NUTS?! If you’re not clinically insane, then you must have bumped your head and caught amnesia!

First let me remind you what pregnancy was like. People might have said you were “glowing”, but behind that glow was: nausea, headaches, exhaustion, restless nights, stuffy sinuses, various implicit unattractive things happening south of the bellybutton, bloating, engorged sore breasts, and hormones – hormones!! Somehow your marriage survived hormonal-crazy-lady three times, but do you really think your marriage has another encounter with HER in it?!

And what comes after pregnancy? Labor! The most excruciating, painful experience of your life. Some call it beautiful – well perhaps after blood and fluids have been wiped clean from the baby he or she is beautiful, but the rest of the labor is anything but beautiful! There’s the stated fluids and blood, there’s cracking and dilating and….. I mean, for crying out loud, a small human is making its way through your pelvis! You have felt this, you have seen this, you know this. Try to remember!

Then there’s that newborn. Yes yes, I know you have heavenly babies, but they are still babies! They will keep you up at night, they will tire you out, husband will sleep as sound as ever, and you will be drained as you take care of the older children, while the infant is LITERALLY sucking the life out of you, through your sore, cracked nipples! All of this while your back and shoulders are in pain from attempting to feed and soothe the baby while sitting up in bed at three o’clock in the morning!

On a side note, I would like to remind you, that If this baby is being suggested by your husband, the main pull is the baby-making-process and not the baby itself! Need I remind you that by each pregnancy the foot rubs and the cold drinks served to you have been further and further apart! Just as you became increasingly less excited about the pregnancy  each time, so did he! Not to forget the ever so hormonal-crazy-lady, who he was NOT a fan of – come to think of it, neither was the flight attendant who couldn’t find you seats together, or the grocery store clerk who had trouble with the credit card machine!

So please future me, are we done with this nonsense already?!

Sincerely ~ yourself

pregnantme1

 

Popping out

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I fondly remember the days, where such a thing as “popping out” existed. An inkling for lunch at my favorite cafe, and half an hour later, ordering a meal at said Cafe.Those were simpler times. With three little ones, you don’t pop out to anywhere anymore!

From time to time we forget this fact. Someone (maybe me) suggests that we all go somewhere; “let’s throw the kids in the car and go to the mall” – If it was only as simple, as “throwing” them in the car. But there’s multiple time consuming, exhausting and enough-to-make-you-go-nuts steps to be taken before a family of five can leave the house.

Step one consists of getting everyone dressed….

Our oldest is usually naked or in a princess dress. She will dislike any clothing suggestion we make! So depending on where we’re going, and how much energy we have, we’ll either 1) let her stay in the princess dress, 2) make a compromise, where she for instance can wear a tutu skirt as long as she’s in sensible shoes or 3) be persistent and have a fight with her.

The middle-child will need to be changed and wiped down to a point where she looks just half way presentable to the public.This is more elaborate than it sounds. She gets dirty to a point far beyond what a clean shirt and a wet-nap can handle. She needs the dirt scraped off various body parts and she needs every item of clothing, down to her socks, changed! Needless to say that this step will usually be done last minute, seeing how she can mess up any outfit in a matter of seconds.

The little one is usually good to go – that is when she doesn’t decide to poop and have her diaper spring a leak right before we’re about to leave the house.

When you step out with little ones, you need to bring a lot more than just the children themselves. It’s actually quite amazing how much stuff you need to bring! There’s the obvious diapers and wet-naps. There’s the change of clothes, because if the diaper leak didn’t happen as we were walking out the door, it will most definitely happen at the mall! There’s formula and bottles, and there’s miscellaneous things like toys for the car-ride, pacifiers, snacks, bibs ect. ect.

Now once all is packed, and the children are somewhat presentable, it’s time for the perhaps worst step of them all – mobilizing all individuals and items in the car!

There’s the stroller. In our case obviously not an easy to fold little umbrella stroller, but a monstrosity of a twin stroller. Have you ever seen those instructional pamphlets or videos with people folding a stroller? – one, two, three and it’s folded. That’s not how it really works! These things are tricky, they get stuck and things won’t bend in the desired directions. Folding a stroller is similar to the frustration of putting together IKEA furniture. By the time you’ve got that thing in the trunk, you’ve had a full workout! And that’s not the only sweaty job, there’s more of that…..

The little ones need to be carried to, and strapped into their car seats. Sounds simple? Maybe, but in reality quite challenging. Unless we owned a Hummer (and maybe not even then), a regular sized backseat, with three car seats in it, does not leave room for my adult sized behind! Crawling around, strapping children into especially the middle seat, is quite the maneuver! And when you add this to the many previous steps, it’s a joy to finally be able to hit the road……. that is unless we forgot a pacifier, or someones favorite doll (who could not possibly spend the day alone in the house!), or the diaper sprung that leak, or someone needs to pee, or, or, or, ……

As you can see, the likelihood of popping out, in the sense of something quick and brief, is slight. We can still feel a spontaneous inkling for lunch, but half an hour later, we’re surely not ordering anything! More likely we’re changing a diaper or discussing firstborn’s footwear! It is likely that the spontaneity will be back in our lives some day, but for now I will remind myself of the many steps it takes to leave the house, and refrain from suggesting that we “throw” the kids in the car! And I will attempt to settle my inklings with delivery!

Where’s my Oprah-moment?!

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Setting the scene…
Witching-hour has commenced, the house is in ruins, my husband is running late at work, I’m sleep-deprived, the baby is screaming, the middle-child is putting on her own production of Stomp and the oldest just spilled milk all over the sofa! Now instead of me on the verge of tears, envision this:

All of a sudden the intro music to The Oprah Winfrey show starts playing. Magically the living-room is transformed into a TV-studio. I am on the stage, and there she is! Oprah Winfrey, in all her glory, saying things like “Own Your Power” and ” Where There is no Struggle, There is No Strength”, all while she and her entire audience, is clapping and nodding in acknowledgement to the amazingness that is me and my motherly struggles.

Before having children, I used to watch made-for-TV-moments like this, and honestly find it all a bit excessive. The majority of woman become mothers at some point in their lives right? – so what’s the big whoop!? I’ll tell you what the big whoop is …. children are terrible! We love them more than anything, and every day contains moments that make it all worth while. But let’s face it, those little ones can be absolute monsters!

Sleepless nights, colic, witching-hour, teething, waiting rooms at doctors offices – it’s hard work! Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, working full-time or part-time – it’s hard work! Moments like those are enough to make anyone loose their minds! And I’m sure it doesn’t get easier by the time those monsters are teenagers, slamming doors and sneaking beers out of the refrigerator.

Some days you just need someone to tell you, you’re doing a good job! Some days, when you’re having one of those almost-in-tears-moments, you need appreciation of a magnitude that only Oprah could give you! Nothing less!

So to all you mothers out there: Go kiss your wonderful [terrible] children, and know that Oprah and I believe you to deserve much appreciation. You all rock and you’ve taken on one of the hardest jobs in the world!