When you’re in your 30′s, babies seem to be popping out everywhere. Friends, Facebook-friends, moms at school, neighbors, coworkers, you name it and they seem to be having babies.
Anyone who reads my blog, or who knows me personally, knows that I am a crier. I tear up every time I hear baby-news. New life is beautiful and I just cant help myself! Nevertheless the other day I had a moment of tearing up that was concerning to me. I started tearing up as I received a text message from a friend of mine, who was at the hospital, having a labor-inducing drip put in. And it wasn’t simply the approaching arrival of her son that had me going, it was the actual labor! The ACTUAL labor! I had a very disturbing feeling of “labor-envy”. “LABOR-envy”!?! Who in their right mind has labor-envy!?!
I realized in that moment, that I’m not always in my right mind [insert funny comment from husband saying "I could have told you that!"]. My mind is entirely too easily effected by nonsense female emotions! I DO NOT wish to go through labor again, I DO NOT wish to go through pregnancy again, and I DO NOT wish to have more babies! Yet there I was, reminiscing about the excitement and emotions surrounding labor, and felt a little sad not to be experiencing that again……
This time the itch came and went quickly, but the whole thing made me uneasy. What if I begin to forget? – forget the pain, the aches and the sleeplessness?! What if I meet a perfectly smelling infant, on just the right/wrong day, and the itch grows into an actual desire?!
On the off-chance that this desire should occur, I have written myself a letter, and may it be kept for future records! I apologies in advance to anyone currently pregnant or planning another baby. I did not mean to make you depressed. I felt it necessary to remove any and all sugar-coating, so that my point gets through to myself!
Dear future me,
So, you’re considering having another baby? Where do I even begin with you?!? ARE YOU NUTS?! If you’re not clinically insane, then you must have bumped your head and caught amnesia!
First let me remind you what pregnancy was like. People might have said you were “glowing”, but behind that glow was: nausea, headaches, exhaustion, restless nights, stuffy sinuses, various implicit unattractive things happening south of the bellybutton, bloating, engorged sore breasts, and hormones – hormones!! Somehow your marriage survived hormonal-crazy-lady three times, but do you really think your marriage has another encounter with HER in it?!
And what comes after pregnancy? Labor! The most excruciating, painful experience of your life. Some call it beautiful – well perhaps after blood and fluids have been wiped clean from the baby he or she is beautiful, but the rest of the labor is anything but beautiful! There’s the stated fluids and blood, there’s cracking and dilating and….. I mean, for crying out loud, a small human is making its way through your pelvis! You have felt this, you have seen this, you know this. Try to remember!
Then there’s that newborn. Yes yes, I know you have heavenly babies, but they are still babies! They will keep you up at night, they will tire you out, husband will sleep as sound as ever, and you will be drained as you take care of the older children, while the infant is LITERALLY sucking the life out of you, through your sore, cracked nipples! All of this while your back and shoulders are in pain from attempting to feed and soothe the baby while sitting up in bed at three o’clock in the morning!
On a side note, I would like to remind you, that If this baby is being suggested by your husband, the main pull is the baby-making-process and not the baby itself! Need I remind you that by each pregnancy the foot rubs and the cold drinks served to you have been further and further apart! Just as you became increasingly less excited about the pregnancy each time, so did he! Not to forget the ever so hormonal-crazy-lady, who he was NOT a fan of – come to think of it, neither was the flight attendant who couldn’t find you seats together, or the grocery store clerk who had trouble with the credit card machine!
So please future me, are we done with this nonsense already?!
Sincerely ~ yourself